🚨 BREAKING: The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.✦ Mercury enters retrograde for the 9th time this month — economists baffled.✦ Local angel discovers 4th secret shade of pink, refuses to share hex code.✦ Tamagotchi found alive after 20 years; owner faces charges of neglect.✦ Cloud real-estate prices soar as Heaven Online opens 12 new zodiac chambers.✦ Y2K bug finally strikes, 26 years late. Nobody notices.✦ Study: 100% of angels are girls. Scientists 'not surprised.'✦ Nightcore declared official state music of the Heavens.✦ Windows Vista voted 'most heavenly operating system' for 19th consecutive year.✦ Fortune tellers report unprecedented demand; fate reportedly 'sealed.'✦ Weather report brought to you live from New York City, the closest place to Heaven.🚨 BREAKING: The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.✦ Mercury enters retrograde for the 9th time this month — economists baffled.✦ Local angel discovers 4th secret shade of pink, refuses to share hex code.✦ Tamagotchi found alive after 20 years; owner faces charges of neglect.✦ Cloud real-estate prices soar as Heaven Online opens 12 new zodiac chambers.✦ Y2K bug finally strikes, 26 years late. Nobody notices.✦ Study: 100% of angels are girls. Scientists 'not surprised.'✦ Nightcore declared official state music of the Heavens.✦ Windows Vista voted 'most heavenly operating system' for 19th consecutive year.✦ Fortune tellers report unprecedented demand; fate reportedly 'sealed.'✦ Weather report brought to you live from New York City, the closest place to Heaven.